Dealing with Deployment

“Ever since my spouse left for Iraq, my kids have been acting out and making things very difficult for me. They are not responding well to discipline and I feel like I am upset with them more than I would like to be.” Sound familiar? This is actually quite common among children whose parent has recently been deployed.

Kids handle things differently than adults. Complex emotions are difficult for children to process. Here are some things a child may be dealing with for the first time in their life when faced with deployment:

Fear/Worry

Missing a loved one

Unstable home life/ Insecurity

Boundaries Unclear

Frustration with Separation

Many of us have a difficult time coping with these things as adults with a mature mind, emotions, and social adaptations. Children will find a “fixed” way to respond to all these different emotions. Examples could include misbehaving or distancing themselves.

And now, the parent left at home, has double the responsibility and this can also be interpreted as “absence” from the child’s point of view. With double the work load the child may feel ignored or even feelings of unimportance. They know one sure way to be noticed, even if it is negative, is by acting out. If you notice any form of fixed behavior, this is merely their way of responding to the stress now introduced to their environment.

Proverbs 2:6,7 For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding; He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk uprightly;

From this perspective we can rightly respond to the need rather than the behavior. Some ways to positively reassure and encourage you child include:

Getting eye level and talking with them calmly about what they are feeling and how you can support them

Pray with them

Recite together a chosen “Power Scripture” that comforts them and builds their faith in God

Set a “date” where you spend quality hang time together one-on-one (arrange babysitting for other siblings)

Right responding is key, because our kids watch us and will respond to stress the same way we do. Proverbs 15:1 says “A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

It is okay to reprioritize and say no to things. Some things you will not be able to continue participation in when playing the “single parent” role. Watch for things that threaten the balance of your family. Be mindful of the amount of pressure allowed on the kids, be patient and give a learning curve.

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.